Eagle In Progress, My Testimony by sister Shanna

[belovedshoshanna]

I grew up in a very mountainous area, not many people, I came there to my grandparents property after my Father and Mother divorced, and my older brother died.
My Mother married a childless older man, who suffered malaria in the service and when I would sleep walk which I did quite freqently at an early age, he would strike at me thinking it was the enemy he had been fighting in world war two.

I was a very lonely child, growing up with out my Father and my Mother now preoccupied with her new husband.
But I was adventureous and would get so much peace and comfort from nature, I would hike all over the woods with my old dog Pete. he was my protector. I was so shattered when he died.
I spent many hours reading, I was very hungry for the Lord, I use to go to the book mobile to search for Christian books, and books about being a missionary in Africa.

My parents did take me to church when I asked but did not go themselves. but the Pastor never seemed to have the answers I hungered for at the little community church.
I had a great grandmother who was a Christian, and I had stayed with her before my Mother had remarried, and I am almost sure she prayed me in, she was never seen without her bible in her lap and I believe that is what gave me such a hunger t read the bible and know the Lord.

My Mother had two more children and I was basically alone often, and began to act out, which caused me to get into conflict with my step father.
This was the first experience in my life of abuse, it seemed to draw me toward abusive men, yet I hated it worse then anything in my life.
I wanted to run away and went and hid from them, first it was my principle and his family that took me in, and then friends of the family took me to the southern California desert where they lived and I finished high school.

I ended up marrying a young man out of school, I don't know why, but I guess it was to keep me from going back to my home where I felt unwanted and unloved.

I had three children, and began a life of real trials, a wilderness experince .
After my marriage dissolved, I went from one man to another looking for love in all the wrong places, and had such terrifying experinces of abuse and abandonment.
by the time my two older children graduated and began to do their own thing, and my son went to his Fathers, probably becaue I was not living as a real Mothers should. always seeking not knowing what I was seeking.
I got into new Age and that was a whole other thing, my life was to a turn from sucess in business and having a good life, to giving up all I had to live as a hippie, and my journey got stranger and more frightening, it would take a book to tell you all my stories. I had taken off on an adventure with my then husband to Phoenix, and we were doing mushrooms that make you hallucinate, and I embarked on a frightening journey, and a quite unexpected trip as we went down a steep hill the brakes went out and our van began to roll over and came to a stop. I must have had God's call on my life at that time, because it was a miracle we got out unscathed.

So here we are in a huge city, I was not use to seeing what I beheld there poverty everywhere, and the whole experince was never to be forgotten. People living and begging in the streets, drunk Indians everywhere, no money, no vehicle, ours was impounded, no place to live. We finally were taken in by Salvation Army, and given a voucher for a motel room. This was some adventure.
We gave blood at the blood bank to survive, and churches gave us food. (They don't do that much anymore) Soon we got a job delivering newspapers at the Penny Saver newspaper, we had to carry a bag on our back, filled with newspapers and walk as much as 10 miles sometimes a day. I think we each made $20 a day.
It wasn't long until I was very thin, wish I could do that now.
It was really too hard for a woman, so we tried picking frapini, I had no idea what fraapini was, but I know one thing it was not easy to pick and make any money, nor were the small grapefruits we tried.
One day while we walked down the street, a man from Teen Challenge gave me a tract, and I began to read it, I would take it out and read it over and over, and to read my bible, which I always carried with me. the tract really did speak to me where I was at the time. I believe it was then I began to really pray.

It wasn't too long and we got our van out of storage, but I thought that day would never come, everything in that city frightened me. I know now it was becaue I didn't want to end up living that way, and understand somuch through all my experinces what poor people go throug jsut tosurvive and it has given me compassion for them, just through living some of it..

We tied our door and put all of our belongings in the van and headed for Santa Fe New Mexico, it sounded exciting like and adventure, not like the one I had just left, but something new and not so challenging.

We had a real nice in Santa Fe, met some people called the Christ Brothers. they were semi hippies and wore long white robes and lived on whatever anyone shared with them living out the book of Acts, yet they also lived like hippies doing drugs and so waht Ilearned from them actually was zweroed out by their habits.
After our accident I did not want to do any more drugs, though I was never a heavy user but more because I was around it, I never liked alcohol or drugs, I didn't like how it affected me. And though I was not saved, I read the bible veraciously, especially when we were going up and down very high mountains. But I had not yet given my life to Christ,

Aafter my husband decided he wanted to go back and visit a girl he met in Arizona whcih I learned much later, so here I was alone and not knowing what to do, I felt panicky, so vulnerable, no money, no job and nothing topay the motel Iwas in, because he didn't come back. he had said he was going to look for work.
I kept reading the bible for something to give me answers, and then called my real Father in Oregon, he sent me money to take a bus back there.

To make a long story short, I had such a wilderness experience of which only a small part has been told. I felt so empty,and scared. I began to cry out to God.
It just so happened there was a revival going on at a church, and I knew that I could no longer live as I had been, so I went to church and when the preacher gave an altar call, I went up and poured my heart out, accepted Jesus as my Savior and was filled with the Holy Spirit.
My feet never touched the ground as I left, It felt like everthing had been washed away in a sea of forgetfulness, or I did't want to remember.
Of course Jesus didn't say our lives would be a rose garden once we gave our life to Him, as He always allows challenges to come to help us grow and become overcomers
to grow our faith, and to teach us His ways. So my life had its challenges.
I wanted to go into the highways and byways to comple them to come in, so I joined a ministry in San Francisco that took the gospel to the streets. My life then took a new turn, and was the begining of ministry for me, and though life has not been easy, I have learned a lot. and I know that I was called to be an overcomer. I got a word from the Lord early on in my Christian walk about being an overcomer and I know all the experiences I have gone through were to help me reach the ultimate goal.
Even now my physical issues and losing my oldest and beloved daughter last year, has been working in me to help me to be an overcomer, I am not there yet but every challenge gets me closer.
I have to say though that the Lord is faithful. he has healed my heart, I don't feel alone now, he is there with me every hour and minute of the day. He has healed my damaged emotions from childhood forward. He has given me hope. he has shown me that there is nothing of real value in the world but Him, and our families. but he msut be put first in all things.
His grace has been more then I could haver ever hoped for, what I could not do for myself He has done for me. You just have to keep on keeping on, letting him lead you, not doing your own thing. he will get you through whatever challenge you face.
I always feel loved by Him. Seeking things that have no lasting value is a waste of ones life, if you have them now you will not have them later, they cause so many temptations in ones life. We are here to grow into his image, to produce good fruit. Enjoy Him, seek Him first and the kingdom and all things shall be added.